The Compleat Works of Wllm Shkspr (abridged), by The Reduced Shakespeare Co.

We can't actually tell you anything about tonight's performance in this programme because it would spoil the surprise, (hence the entirely unhelpful cast list), and also because the cast are often confused as to who they are playing themselves, so here is just a little bit of waffle to keep you occupied while you fidget in your seats, waiting for this unprecedented theatrical extravaganza.

This is the only show to contain absolutely every single one of Shakespeare's works, including some that he might not have written. Not only is this record breaking in itself, but the show breaks several other records, not least amongst these being 'Most Tasteless Portrayal of Rape & Maiming', 'Most Scottish Production of The Scottish Play', and 'Best Literary Food Analogy'.

Some bits of the show are so erudite, so learned and so absolutely incomprehensible, (as well as being full of quite long words), that we have kindly provided explanatory notes in the form of Sara Innes, who will guide you through tonight. Please do not ask questions from the floor until the interval or the end.

We're not doing ice creams in the interval because we thought you'd be the sort of audience who'd prefer to drink large amounts of cheap wine.

Producers: Jacqui Halliwell, Lucy Douglas, Boyd Wild
Stage Manager: Carrie Cleland
Lighting: Bob (a.k.a. Steve Douglas)

Cast
Lucy Douglas: Lucy Douglas
Deb McDonald: Deb McDonald
Jacqui Halliwell: Jacqui Halliwell
Fiona Wilcock: Fiona Wilcock
Laura Robertson: Laura Robertson
Pete Macnab: Pete Macnab
Boyd Wild: Boyd Wild
Glenda Meek: Glenda Meek
David Bowie: David Bowie
Annie Suckling: Annie Suckling
Felicity Wild: Felicity Wild
Suzanne Cleland: Suzanne Cleland
Explanatory Notes: Sara Innes

Shakespeare's plays: Romeo & Juliet, Titus Andronicus, Othello The Moor of Venice, The Comedy of Errors, Two Gentlemen of Verona, The Merry Wives of Windsor, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Twelfth Night, Cymbeline, The Taming of the Shrew, The Merchant of Venice, The Tempest, Much Ado About Nothing, As You Like It, Macbeth, Julius Caesar, Antony & Cleopatra, Troilus & Cressida, Chernobyl Two Noble Kinsmen, Richard III, Henry V (quite a few of these), King John, King Lear, Coriolanus, Eastenders, Hamlet.